Rocking and Rolling. Sharing Our Calm: The Role of Coregulation in the Infant-Toddler Classroom
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In the infant room, Mateo begins to cry as he tries to roll over and gets 鈥渟tuck鈥� on his tummy. He lifts his head and makes eye contact with his teacher, Camila. 鈥淥h boy, you鈥檙e having a tough time getting onto your back. Let鈥檚 see what we can do.鈥� Camila gently helps Mateo roll onto his back. 鈥淭here! All better!鈥� Camila offers Mateo a rattle, rubs his belly, and stays with him until he is听calm again.
In the toddler room, teacher Jevon is watching while Carlee attempts to turn the crank on the jack-in-the-box. She tries again and again, getting increasingly frustrated. Jevon stays close and says, 鈥淚t鈥檚 tricky to turn the crank, isn鈥檛 it? Can you use this hand to hold the box while you turn with the other hand?鈥� As she tries unsuccessfully again and pushes the听jack-in-the-box听away angrily, Jevon says: 鈥淚 see you鈥檙e feeling a little frustrated. Would you like a hug?鈥� Carlee folds herself into his arms for a quick cuddle. Jevon takes a few deep, slow breaths and notices that Carlee鈥檚 breathing is slowing down too. She steps away, sits down, and pulls the toy toward听her again.
Picture any of a dozen challenging moments across an average day: Two toddlers are overwhelmed with sharing at the train table. A 6-month-old needs a diaper change. An听11-month-old听sobs at drop-off, watching their grandma leave for the day. A child falls and bumps their knee on the playground. A toddler throws a block from the tower that just collapsed. Children encounter a range of challenges and move through the whole spectrum of emotions across an average day鈥攖urning to the adults in their world, especially their teachers, for help managing and coping with their big feelings听and experiences.
Babies are born with little to no ability to regulate their emotional states. From birth to 3 years, they depend on the caregiving adults in their lives to soothe and calm them. The role of these adults is to remain attuned to a child鈥檚 early communications and respond sensitively, using their own voice, touch, and gaze to help the child cope with the intensity of their emotions (Housman 2017; M盲nty et al. 2022). Through this process of 鈥渟haring our calm鈥濃�攐r听coregulation鈥攁dults support babies and toddlers to begin understanding, expressing, and controlling their feelings and behaviors over time (Gillespie 2015).
One can think of coregulation as a precursor to self-regulation, or the ability to manage feelings, thoughts, and behaviors independently. This is because the development of self-regulation depends on very young children鈥檚 access to the predictable, responsive, and supportive relationships of a trusted adult (Housman 2017; Rosanbalm & Murray 2017; M盲nty et al. 2022). These adults鈥攚ho include family members and early childhood educators鈥攑lay a critical role in supporting babies鈥� and toddlers鈥� regulatory capacity through everyday comfort听and soothing.
The ability to regulate one鈥檚 emotions is foundational for healthy development and functioning (Paley & Hajal 2022). Studies show that people who demonstrate self-regulation as children tend to go on to enjoy higher incomes, better health, and greater life satisfaction (Schunk et al. 2022). Very early childhood is a particularly important time in the development of children鈥檚 emotion regulation because the foundation for this capacity is laid during the first three years. Young children mature from being highly dependent upon coregulation with caregivers toward an increasing capacity to manage their own emotional states (Paley &听Hajal 2022).
Keeping Calm to Share听Our Calm
Adults can help children build a foundation of听self-regulatory听skills (Murray et al. 2015) in three broad ways: through relational support, environmental support, and learning experiences focused on听self-regulation. (See 鈥淪trategies for Coregulation鈥� below.) Indeed, coregulation is so important for a child鈥檚 healthy development that it is considered a research-based intervention for enhancing听self-regulation听during early childhood (Murray, Rosanbalm, &听Christopoulos 2016).
However, in order to consistently offer coregulation to children, programs need to ensure that teachers receive nurturing support for their听own听regulatory capacity and well-being. Coregulation requires that caregiving adults are able to manage their emotions effectively and constructively. Unless we find our own calm, we can鈥檛 share it听with children.
Learning to stay centered during stressful caregiving moments is challenging. It helps when teachers have familiar and practiced tools they can immediately access in those moments. The better adults are at noticing and managing their own emotional states, the more effective they become at coregulating with babies听and toddlers.
Coregulation requires that caregiving adults are able to manage their emotions effectively and constructively.
Strategies听for Coregulation
Infant and toddler teachers can help children manage their big feelings and return to a state of calm in three broad ways (Rosanbalm & Murray 2017; Pahigiannis, Rosanbalm, &听Murray 2019).
Relationally:
- Get to know each child as an individual. Each baby or toddler has a different temperament (which includes qualities like emotional intensity and frustration tolerance). Educators can observe children to learn how they express a range of feelings (including distress) and to discover their different preferences听for soothing.
- Understand that each child is part of a family and a community. Talk with family members about children鈥檚 temperaments and the strategies they use to calm听their children.
- Use a calm voice and gentle touch to comfort babies and toddlers. Rock, hold, and cuddle them, and slow your own breathing to help them return to a听regulated state.
- Name children鈥檚 feelings (鈥淵ou are so听disappointed听that it鈥檚 raining and we can鈥檛听go outside.鈥�).
- Offer a 鈥渓ovey鈥� to cuddle (for children 1 year听and older).
Environmentally:
- Use daily routines to provide a sense of safety and consistency in听the environment.
- Create a place in the learning setting where children can go when they feel overwhelmed, like a 鈥渃omfort corner鈥� or 鈥減eace tent.鈥�
- Ensure infants and toddlers have access to regular,听active play.
- Provide access to sensory experiences that can be calming and regulating to children (infant massage, textured toys, sand and water play, art experiences,听music play).
Experientially:
- Ensure all teaching staff understand that aggressive behaviors are normal and expected for toddlers. Agree upon a consistent response to behaviors such as hitting or biting that helps children learn more appropriate ways of expressing their feelings and needs. (See 鈥�Understanding and Responding to Children Who Bite鈥澨齠or more information.)
- Provide experiences that help children learn to recognize and name a range听of emotions.
- Model regulatory strategies, like taking deep breaths, to help children calm themselves (see听for resources).
- Incorporate songs, oral storytelling, and children鈥檚 literature that focus on themes of emotional awareness and self-regulation (see 鈥淪tories to Share with Babies and Toddlers About Emotions and Self-Regulation鈥� at the end of this article). Also consider using听social stories听to prepare children for new or challenging experiences, such as sharing, resolving peer conflicts, or preparing for a fire drill or field trip. These stories clearly describe important parts of a social activity or event, including what might happen, how the child might feel, how others might feel or respond, and appropriate behavior expectations (Office of Head听Start 2023).
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What Does This Practice Look Like?
First, early childhood educators should pause and notice their feelings, paying attention to what rises up: anger, frustration, helplessness, isolation, stress, or being overwhelmed. Educators can scan their bodies to notice where they sense stress or tension. It is also helpful to consider basic needs: Are they tired, hungry,听or thirsty?
Next, teachers can take action by doing something to care for themselves in the moment: Take three deep breaths. Shake out the tension in their shoulders. Have a glass of water (besides hydration, drinking water forces us to breathe slowly through our nose, which promotes calming). In especially tough moments, a teacher might ask their coteacher or assistant to take over while听they recenter.
Finally鈥攐nce the teacher is calm鈥攖hey can help the child calm and regulate. They might cuddle the child, stay close while the child cries, rub the child鈥檚 back, or rock them and sing听a song.
This process describes how听mindfulness听can be used in early education settings. Mindfulness allows teachers to be aware of what they are sensing and feeling without judgment (ZTT 2023). It has a role in early childhood education because it helps professionals attune to children鈥檚 communications and needs, and it gives them tools for staying focused, present, and compassionate with children. A mindfulness practice helps teachers develop the skills needed to regulate their own emotions effectively in tense or stressful situations. These capacities help professionals offer young children access to a coregulation partner, or someone children can trust to help them return to a regulated state when their emotions听are overwhelming.
Emerging research indicates that mindfulness practices support early childhood teachers by offering them concrete strategies to be more present and less emotionally reactive and exhausted at work (Hatton-Bowers et al. 2021; Hatton-Bowers et al. 2022). Mindfulness and self-compassion practices also contribute to early childhood educators鈥� abilities to create and maintain high-quality classroom environments and supportive relationships with challenging children (Jennings 2014). Making mindfulness a routine part of the day promotes overall well-being and increases the likelihood that these practices will be 鈥渢op of mind鈥� during听stressful moments.
Conclusion
When infant-toddler educators help babies and young children coregulate, children learn that their upset feelings don鈥檛 last forever. They learn that they will feel calm again with the help of the trusted adults in their world. Over time, these nurturing responses from teachers and family members also help children learn ways to calm听themselves听during stressful moments. Supporting children in this way builds a strong foundation of emotional regulation, which is a gift they take with them into each new room they enter for the rest of听their lives.
Think About It
- Who do you听turn to when you are overwhelmed? What does this person do to support your ability to return to a听calm state?
- Reflect on your ability to regulate your own thinking and emotions. How does it change across the day? What are some of the situations or events that influence your ability to regulate听your emotions?
- Think about a time you noticed a baby鈥檚 or toddler鈥檚 emotional cues or communications. How did you use these as an opportunity听to coregulate?
- How might the quality of the relationship you share with a child influence your ability to engage听in coregulation?
- What are some different strategies you use to help children calm themselves? How do these strategies change as听children grow?
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Try It
- Take a few minutes each day to be fully present with each child in your classroom. Notice their individual cues and ways of communicating. What times of the day and what activities or routines appear to be most challenging for them? Ask family members how they observe their children communicating needs (and how听they respond).
- Share information with families about coregulation strategies that you have found effective with their children in the learning setting. Ask what families do at home to comfort and soothe听their children.
- Use feelings words and share stories about emotions with babies and toddlers. Narrate how you are managing your own feelings: 鈥淚 feel so frustrated that I spilled the milk! Oh dear! I鈥檓 going to take a deep breath and then get a听paper towel.鈥�
- Ask a colleague to observe you with two different children at two different times of day. What coregulation strategies did you use? How was your approach the same with each child or different? What might these observations tell you about these children and your relationship with each听of them?
- Try including a mindfulness practice in your daily routine for a week or two. Notice how this practice impacts you: Do you feel calmer? More focused? Less stressed? Do you feel more prepared to respond to children鈥檚 emotional cues听and communications?
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Rocking and Rolling is written by infant and toddler specialists and contributed by ZERO TO THREE, a nonprofit organization working to promote the health and development of infants and toddlers by translating research and knowledge into a range of practical tools and resources for use by the adults who influence the lives of听young children.
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Photographs: courtesy听of听CaShawn Thompson
Copyright 漏 2024 by the 51涩涩屋app. See Permissions and Reprints online at 51涩涩屋app.org/resources/permissions.
References
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